February 20, 2019

Dealing with Change

Things happen in our life, and they create change.

Changes can be big or small, can be internal or external. No matter where do those changes come from, we cannot ignore the impact they have on us. They could impact us physically, emotionally and spiritually. When facing change, on one hand we are excited for the future it creates, and on the other hand, we are scared of the uncertainty it brings. Therefore, training yourself to deal with change is a powerful skill which allows us to live with ease. Isn’t this what you want for yourself?

I came to Australia on my own when I was 19 years old. It was the time I was still adapting and learning the drastic changes in my physical body, dealing the massive emotional ups and downs from the first attempt in being in a relationship, enormous peer pressure and the need to fit in, having conflicts and disagreement with parents and curiosity of the online world. As well as taking on adulthood responsibilities, such as figuring out my boundaries, principles, what’s my value and what I am up to in the world, choosing a major and a career I will commit to, making and spending money. PLUS, learning to live in a world where I barely knew the language, the rule of the society, its culture and social norms.

I was excited and full of energy to build a great future for myself. However, that was just the tip of an iceberg. Deep down, I was scared to death. What are my friends going to think of me about the clothes I was wearing? Am I saying the right words in the public? oh, I run out money!! Maybe I don’t like the major I am studying, and I should choose another one. How to stop my mom’s anger and nagging? Does that guy like me? and so on. All those voices are in my head and they are busy chatting with each other, it’s really noisy. I pretend I am strong and can handle everything. In fact, I was anxious and worried. I was lost, overwhelmed, frustrated, stressed, confused and feeling insecure. I was super uncomfortable with myself and the outside world.

I tried all different things to get rid of these uncomfortable feelings. The setting goal, talking to successful people, attending seminars, going to counselling, connect to nature, listened to advice and tips and trying to change myself. However, all these valuable stuff were just not working for me, I cannot let them come in, I thought something was wrong with me. I was stuck.

Do you have similar experiences? Many of us must have experienced this at some stage of our life. They are the by-products from “Change”.

Is change wrong? No. In order to fulfil your goal or achieve something, change is an essential element.

Gradually, I started to realize that my uncomfortable feeling comes from the imbalance created from all those changes coming at once. When change happens, it becomes an intrusion for the original balance I was living in. Before the new balance comes in, uncomfortable feelings continue. Since I resist this uncomfortable feeling instead of embracing and accepting it, I was stuck in the middle of old balance and new balance, thus life cannot move forward.

When I recognized this, I learnt to unwind the “stickiness”, to ease the uncomfortable feelings, to get along with the changes and finally embrace the bright new future. Here I would like to share what I’ve been used for dealing with change that work so well with me.

  1. Choose ONE specific area you are expecting change. Lots of time people find they are struggling because they are not able to define the areas where changes are occurring. For example, if you struggle with your new job, what is it that you are actually struggling with this change? Is it the working process? Is it the people you are working with? If you see yourself feeling bad with new pimples on your face. What is it that you feel bad about?Is it your look? Is it the health concerns? etc.

  2. Define the result you want. It includes what, where, when (how long) and how you want this particular area to be.

  3. Creating a space. You will create a mess!!! All changes in the initial stage will create a mess, so make sure you leave enough space for it. This includes space for time, physical space and emotional space etc. Depends on the area you are expecting change.

  4. Identifying what is supportive and useful for your results and what is not.

  5. Decluttering those unwanted. Letting go of those past materials, thoughts, and emotions. In this way, you will create more space for yourself.

  6. Making plans based on your own judgment (It is important you make a final decision on your own otherwise you will experience regrets in the future, which is not a pleasant experience)

  7. Taking actions on your plan.

  8. Review your actions in accordance with the plan and make adjustment accordingly.

Today, by using this technique I have achieved in having a connected and supportive relationship with parents, taking care of myself physically and mentally and maintaining them to a healthy level, powerfully dealing with finances, building up a career to the direction I want and live a life I want. And most importantly making a difference and contributing to people around me. All of this gives me confidence and build up a solid foundation for an even greater future. Today I am 28 years old, there are challenges and problems in life, but I know with certainty that I can deal with the changes thrown at me and those that I create myself. It’s a worthwhile decade to live, isn’t it?

I wish my sharing is helpful for you. I would love to hear your comments and learn from the techniques you have been using to deal with changes powerfully. Everyone who takes on big changes is a hero as it takes commitment, courage and big heart, be proud of yourself!